


A Bugger Tackle

by iamisaac



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Community: firewhiskeyfic, Crack, Drunkenness, Marauders' Era, Multi, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2016-10-11
Packaged: 2018-08-21 21:16:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8260747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamisaac/pseuds/iamisaac
Summary: Lily Evans is pissed off. The author is drunk. Sirius may or may not have changed his surname to Plakc. Shenanigans ensue.





	

The ground was yellow and brown and russet with leaves. And Lily, frankly (my dear) couldn’t give a damn. She was angry. She was, in fact, fucking pissed off. Severus was an arse and a tosser and quite a few more unpleasant things like that. James Potter was a twat in twat’s clothing, and his friend Sirius was a twat in actually rather nice robes. There were few people she liked right now – in fact, she couldn’t actually think of any. EVERYONE sucked. 

Also, she was sexually frustrated and the only offers she was getting was from a twat in twat’s clothing and the worst thing was that she was close to taking him up on it. Because, well. Sexually frustrated. Even though he was clearly shagging the twat in nice robes, and actually that seemed like a set up for a threesome and no, she had totally NOT just thought that because, wrong. So wrong. So very wrong.

So instead, Lily was walking along the edge of the Forbidden Forest, kicking the beautifully autumn coloured leaves and not at all thinking about having sex with James Potter and Sirius Plakc. (Who had suddenly become someone from an Eastern European country with a surname like Plakc, apparently. Though to be honest, it took an English family to do mad things like behead house elves and hang their heads on the walls, as Plakc claimed his family did. Which might be why he was more usually known as Sirius Black. Possibly from the Black Country, but possibly not.)

Anyway, there was Lily, not at all thinking about sex and getting someone to stir her cauldron with their wand (or other witchly metaphors), and there was the Forbidden Forest, being forbidden and forestlike and generally dropping rather pretty leaves, which Lily wasn’t in a mood to appreciate. And there, it turned out, was James Potter. Who, fuck him, was looking rather attractive - apart from the hair, which was looking pretty disastrous, but that was par for the course. No, it did not make him look freshly shagged, Lily told herself firmly. No. And if he were freshly shagged, then he clearly wouldn’t be interested in dipping his wand in her cauldron, which actually would be a GREAT thing, because having sex with that twat would be a bad plan. As she well knew. And she was angry angry ANGRY anyway, so having sex wasn’t the point and it wouldn’t help at all except that it would.

“Hello Evans.”

Lily had never told him that being called Evans made her feel like a servant, so it was probably unfair of her to be rubbed the wrong way by it, but still. So it was. At least it wasn’t Black/Plakc calling her that – he probably _did_ think she was a servant. (And he was still sexy, damn him. And he knew it, double damn him.)

“Go away, Potter.”

If he was doing surnames, she was doing surnames. Nothing more idiotic than someone calling you ‘Evans’ and you calling them ‘James’. (Especially if their name wasn’t James, but that wasn’t actually a problem right now.)

James put a hand to his heart. “Evans, I’m hurt. I am your devoted… your devoted...”

“My devoted liar,” she shot back at him. “The only thing you’re devoted to is your own ego.”

He fell dramatically to the floor as if he had been hexed. “Let me fall at your feet and worship, oh goddess of the auburn locks.”

“Eff off, Potter. That sort of shit might work on your boyfriend but it doesn’t work with me.”

“Boyfriend?” James pushed his glasses back onto his face and blinked up at her disarmingly from the leaf-strewn ground.

“Black. Or Plakc, whichever he’s calling himself these days.”

James gave an unexpected grin. “Trust me, Evans, I do not call him an auburn-locked goddess.”

Okay. Ok-aaay. Potter hadn’t denied that Sirius was his boyfriend. That was… disconcerting, to say the least, especially since he was, apparently, flirting with her. (Potter, not Plakc.) 

“What do you call him?”

James sat up. “Why, Evans, that’s a bit of an intimate question, don’t you think? Especially considering the type of relationship you apparently think that Pads and I share.”

“That who?”

“Ah, Evans. That was what you call a hint.”

James got to his feet, but without warning a body hurtled out of the forest and into him. 

“And that,” Sirius Whatever-his-surname-was cried, as the two boys tumbled to the floor, “was what is known in the Muggle world as a bugger tackle.”

Lily, despite herself, snorted with laughter. “Um, I think you mean ‘rugger’,” she suggested helpfully.

“Buggering,” James added helpfully, “is what Evans is under the impression you and I get up to when she’s not around.”

“Well, to be fair, she’s got a point,” Sirius pointed out. “I’m more than aware I’m a poor substitute for your girl there, but -”

“I’m not his girl,” Lily said indignantly.

“Well, exactly. A bloke’s got to have what a bloke’s got to have,” Sirius agreed cheerfully, struggling to sit up.”Which is apparently me, given no other option.”

“Unless you want to give me another option, Evans?” James said, his voice hopeful but his demeanour demonstrating that he didn’t really anticipate a positive.

“You, or both of you?” Lily asked, wondering whether she’d gone mad.

Sirius raised his eyebrows. “Evans, I’m impressed. Are you seriously offering what it sounds like you’re offering?”

“I’m pissed off,” Lily said, glaring between the two of them. “Very pissed off. If you think you can take my mind off it -”

“Evans,” said James, his voice sincere, “I can promise you that you will at least be pissed off in a different fashion if you -”

“Prongs, that’s not helping,” Sirius interrupted him. He got to his feet in what Lily felt was an unnecessarily graceful fashion for someone who had just been sprawled in a heap on the floor with James Potter. “Beautiful Lily,” he said, with the formality Lily could only think was trained into Purebloods at birth. 

He took her hand in his and kissed it, then pulled her into his arms and kissed her mouth.

“Oi!” James objected. “Hands off my girl.”

“Excuse me, I am not your girl,” Lily said, pulling away from Sirius to glare at James.

“No,” James admitted sadly; and his kicked puppy look was so sweet, that when Sirius pulled her sideways so that she was half in James’s arms as well, Lily didn’t complain.

When James’s lips descended to hers, she certainly didn’t complain. She discovered, in fact, an important fact which had been missing from her knowledge up until that point. James Potter was a fantabulous kisser. His mouth was warm and dry against hers, and when he opened his mouth a little, persuading her to do the same, she found herself melting into the kiss, welcoming the feeling of his tongue against her own. They kissed and kissed, and there were hands in her hair and one on her back, and some of them must have been James’s and others Sirius’s, but it was all just…

“Oh,” Lily sighed. Then,”Ohhh,” again.

“Wow.” James’s voice was husky. “Evans...”

“For fuck’s sake call me Lily,” she said, hardly knowing what was going on, still drugged by James’s kiss.

“Lily.”

“Can I call you Lils?” came Sirius’s voice in her ear; and she realised that one of the hands in her hair belonged to him.

Part of her wanted to tell him to call her anything, but her pride wouldn’t allow it. “No.”

She pulled James back to her, kissing him as he had kissed her, and revelling in the sound of him giving a small moan. He still had terrible hair, she thought, as she put her fingers through it, but she could kind of forgive him. And maybe he was a twat, but bloody hell, if he could kiss like this (and he could) then she would forgive him anything.

She started to unbutton his robes, and felt Sirius pressing up behind her (against her behind, heh) and there was a definite hardness against her lower back, and bloody hell, she was sandwiched between two hot guys (yes, they were twats but they were still hot guys and sometimes a girl gotta take what she’s given, yeah?) who were extremely turned on and this was a definitely good thing.

“I’ll call you anything you want,” Sirius murmured in her ear, almost repeating back what she’d been thinking, but the other way around.

“Stop wording and just fuck me.” Lily had stopped kissing James in order to give this instruction, and Sirius gave a low laugh.

“Your wish is your command. Or rather my command. Or possibly my wish.”

“You’re drunk,” she accused.

“And you, my love, are gorgeous. But alas, I will be sober in the morning,” he replied, misquoting a Muggle Prime Minister, which gave her father a shock (no, it gave her RATHER a sock, or even a shock, but I like the mistype) as he was a Pureblood and shouldn’t have known anything about Winston Churchill.

However, her mind was taken off things like that by James responding to her unbuttoning of him (or rather his clothes) by unbuttoning hers, and it wasn’t long until they were all rather naked, and rolling about in autumn leaves of all colours.

“Should be too cold for this,” James muttered.

“You’re a wizard. Cast a warming charm,” Lily snapped back, distracting him neatly from doing any such thing by sucking his cock into her mouth.

James groaned, and Sirius did too.

“Fuck, Jamie, you look gorgeous like that,” he said. Then, hastily, “You too, Ev-Lils-Lily.”

“Jesus, I think I preferred Evans to that mouthful,” she thought and didn’t say as her mouth was considerably fuller even than that with James’s rather fine cock.

Sirius kissed up her back and then started snogging James for all he was worth. James was making little whining noises and Lily remembered thinking that he resembled a puppy earlier and now he was oh my god, no, she wasn’t thinking about that because then she would have been thinking about sucking off a dog, but he was making the cutest noises and she rather fell in love with him for that. Except, she told herself firmly, she was doing no such thing. This was just a fuck because she was pissed off and they were there and bloody hell, but two blokes kissing was quite hot, actually, wasn’t it.

But not as hot as when James had his cock in her cunt and Sirius had his in James’s arse, and oh my god, the three of them were fucking. James slid in and out and Lily was so bloody wet it was untrue (no, it was true), but the sight of Sirius behind James with his large cock sliding in and out of James’s arse as James fucked her was…

“So…. Ahhhhh,” Lily moaned. “You and him, then…. Oh gods, yes, just like that, James.”

“Me and him and you, Lily,” James corrected, his voice hoarse. “That’s what I want. Oh Merlin, fuck.”

“Yes,” she said breathlessly.

Then they were coming and panting and Lily realised that she’d just fucked the Head Boy and his boyfriend in full sight of anyone who might have been passing by the Forbidden Forest. On a bed of autumn leaves. Pulling herself together with less than her usual dignity, she stood up quickly, buttoning her robes.

“Lily? Evans?” James said, uncertainly.

“It’s rude to call someone by their last name when you’ve just shagged them, Potter,” she said.

“But...” he began to protest, until Sirius nudged him and he shut his mouth quickly.

She gave a wry smile. “Not how I anticipated today panning out, but I’m a little less pissed off than I was.”

“More kind of fucked off?” Sirius suggested, with a grin.

Lily bit down hard on the smile which wanted to come. “Sod off, Plakc. And fuck me, that’s hard to pronounce, no wonder you go for ‘Black’ usually.”

“Well, it’s more because it’s my name,” Sirius said helpfully. “People just misspell it when they’re drunk.”

“Oh.” Lily thought about this. “Very drunk,” she concluded.

“No, I’m definitely not.”

“Me neither,” she signed. (sighed). “Me neither. Pity, isn’t it?”

“I dunno, I rather like the thought of remembering this in all its glory,” James said, somewhat wistfully. “Don’t suppose there’s a chance of doing it again, Ev-Lily?”

She tossed her hair as she walked away. “Only if I’m really pissed off, Potter,” she threw back at him. “Only then.”

“Then it’s a certainty,” Sirius muttered, and Lily, her back turned to them, grinned.


End file.
